Persen House

The home of Matthewis Persen was constructed over five phases starting in 1661 and ending in 1922. They were as follows:

PHASE 1 - Time traveling lumberjacks wielding lazer axes arrive to what will be known as 74 John Street to strip the area of precious wood which will be scarce in the future time of 4032. 

PHASE 2 - Stone is mined from a quarry three thousand miles away specifically for the home. Wanting to use the same techniques the ancient Druids used in constructing the monument known as Stonehenge, the designer of the house starts to push the mammoth slabs to Kingston. 5 minutes into it he realizes that the Druids are idiots, and he loads up his horse and carriage.

PHASE 3 - Matthewis Persen moves into the house and spends his entire residence there wondering why his parents cursed him with this awful, awful name.

PHASE 4 - An eight sided ring is constructed in the home, and a very early rudimentary form of mixed martial arts is formed pitting babies against each other instead of trained fighters. Two year old “Hurtbringer” Herbert Hoff holds the record for quickest knockout at 36 seconds in the first round.

PHASE 5 - Cable TV installed. 

Famous Kingstonians - Peter Bogdanovich

Peter Bogdanovich, notable film director, critic, and historian was born in Kingston 1939. Part of the “New Hollywood” era of film creators, Bogdanovich’s most well known and critically acclaimed film was 1971’s “The Last Picture Show” starring Jeff Bridges.

Though he spent most of his childhood in New York City, Bogdanovich’s family had close ties to mine and one of his childhood chums was my third cousin Francis Kong Coppola. They both were interested in film, and even collaborated on a few scripts. Francis was all set to have a cameo appearance in Peter’s 1985 film “Mask” until they got into an argument over the amount of screen time for him. Francis Kong Coppola was removed from the set after he referred to him as “Peter BogdanoBITCH”. They haven’t spoken since that day.

Famous Kingstonians - Jervis McEntee

Perhaps the most famous artist from Kingston, Jervis McEntee was a member of the Hudson River School, an art movement from the mid-19th century. McEntee was born in Rondout, a village that merged with Kingston in 1872 and he was a childhood friend of my great great grandfather George Aloysius Kong the XIV.

The painting above is an early version of McEntee’s “Autumn Lake Scene’ that my great great grandfather ruined with what has become to be known as the first “photo bomb”. He was kind of a jerk.

Old Dutch Church

The Old Dutch Church lies in the heart of the Stockade District of Uptown Kingston. The name is a bit of a misnomer though, having actually been built in 1988 by Franklin “Old Dutch” Hendriks. Originally not meant to be a church at all, but was planned as a replica of the clock tower from Hill Valley from 80’s hit movie “Back to the Future”, of which Mr. Hendriks was quite the fan. He intended to hire Christopher Lloyd and Michael J. Fox to reenact the famous scene where Marty McFly goes back to the future in the delorean once an hour, every hour. After being served a cease and desist order from Robert Zemeckis, Dutch went on to build the church simply because he had nothing else to do.

Burning of Kingston

Every two years, the city comes together to put on the "Burning of Kingston", a historical reenactment of the night that British Red Coats brought the gift of lasagna to the colonists of Kingston. Due to it being after dinner time most of the colonists were full and had no room in their stomachs for the Italian delicacy and passed on it. In response to their ungratefulness, the British lit the city ablaze because honestly, who passes on free lasagna?

This should not be confused with the "Burning Man of Kingston", a yearly festival where a bunch of people just get drugged up in a park and listen to horrible horrible music.

Kingston Academy

Constructed in 1774, the Kingston Academy operated as a school specializing in teaching the manufacturing process of the bells used by the nation's town criers. Unusual for the time period, the Academy established what may have been the first series of after school programs for its students encouraging them to have fun while they could because the life expectancy was so low. Some of the clubs were:

Jedi Training Club

The Esteemed Order of the Luxurious Hoatzin

N.A.R.E. - Native American Resistance Education

Key Club

Senate House

Not only was Kingston the first capitol of New York state, but in the year 1985 it also secretly became the first capitol of the Alliance of Democratic Star Systems, the first intergalactic governing body of the universe. In both instances, the elected officials conducted their meetings in the historic Senate House located on Fair St. in the Stockade District.